Sunday, 31 March 2013

So...I've been reading lots of Sherlock fanfic, in fact, quite obsessed with it (surprise, surprise!). It's been really interesting reading different writers' take on Sherlock's apparent social difficulties. Some follow the BBC Sherlock suggestion that he has Aspergers, as voiced by John and Lestrade in Hound of the Baskervilles. Others focus on his self-defining as 'high-functioning sociopath' in the first episode. However, the sociopath diagnosis has some serious problems with it, mainly because his whole character arc through both series has been about us gradually seeing Sherlock coming to terms with his emotional needs and consequent vulnerability.

It's great to see yet another brilliant TV character who appears to be autistic, and is living life to the full, regardless of how other people react to his frequent episodes of social blindness. I wish that I was a consulting detective sometimes, so that I could do the same, open up my naturally flamboyant nature to its full measure, and say "Fuck it" about anybody who's offended. He's lucky to have John Watson who finds him brilliant and amazing, but it's noticeable that he's single.

In fanfic world, his infuriating habits and obsessive behaviours just make him more adorable, more amazing, more brilliant. Sadly, in real life, not wanting to talk to anybody for days on end, because you're obsessed with something, doesn't go down well, especially if you have children. I've been in that kind of headspace for the last three weeks, in the last year of my course, and just wanting it all to be over, trying to get my studying done, and just wanting everybody to get lost, so I can have some peace and quiet, to soothe my stress levels a bit.

I've been getting zonked in fanfic, as an escape from real life. Reading has always been my favourite way out of my head, where I can completely forget who and where I am. I read extremely fast, (hyperlexia) and can spend easily 14 hours a day reading when I'm trying to get out of my head. I am aware that this is not 'normal' behaviour, and probably is turning into an addiction, more than a coping strategy.

I have always been very careful about letting my addictive personality out to play, I became addicted the first time I fell in love, which was a cautionary tale. Since then I have pulled back on relationships, so I can stay in control. I never use illegal drugs, after using them for a long time, and finding that even supposedly soft drugs generated addictive tendencies. Even over the counter painkillers are a temptation for me, and benzos in particular are problematic.

Is there a connection between autism and addiction? I feel there must be some  crossover between obsession/addiction, please comment if you have a view on this, I'm sure I'm not the only autistic person who has these kinds of issues.