So... I'm having my first day off in 12 days, it's very nice. Actually I just realised I spent 4 hours this morning studying, so not so much of a day off. I guess I've reprogrammed my expectations since starting the course.
I still feel guilty when I need time for myself. Since my self-diagnosis I've been giving myself a bit of a break, as I finally realise what the things are that I'm having trouble coping with, and why I seem to need more 'doing nothing' time than other people to recover from my normal week or whatever else I've got going on.
But I do wonder, now that I'm more settled and at peace with myself, I seem to be able to get by with less of my 'downtime'. Is that because before, I was anxious all the time, and depressed some of the time, which would explain the drive I had to hole up in bed for an entire weekend, incapable of dealing with anybody or anything. Or was it just overload?
It's really hard to figure out what was going on in your emotional past, you can't touch it, and those kinds of memories are so unreliable. I know that I've had and managed with less downtime since I had the kids, because they give me a reason to be more up, give me motivation to do stuff, and anyway, they don't really let me sit down and do nothing for long!
I do know that in my '20s I would frequently have spent whole weekends in bed, talking to nobody, with phantom 'flu' or whatever else I felt like telling people. I varied between hyper-social and utterly unable to bear human company, mixed in with mostly normal functioning at work.
Has anybody else experienced this kind of social overload?
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