Saturday, 21 May 2011

It's the ignition that's the problem...

So... thinking about some more good news type stories, big news today is that I am actually managing to sit at the computer and do studying, when I plan to do it, in a motivated fashion, and for quite a long time at a stretch.

When I have been studying in the past, I have been a Just In Time student, I used to plan to work and then fail to work, until motivated by sheer panic at looming deadlines. But this time is so different! I have an essay and a poster to hand in, deadline is 10 days away. I finished the poster today, did most of the work over a month ago, and the essay I just have about 250 words left to finish it off. I did most of it before Christmas, and rewrote it last week. I had planned to do about 4 hours study today, along with a full day last Friday for the last 3 weeks, and I've actually done it. This is so unlike me!

I've always had problems with 'executive function', and one of my problems, is the link between planning and carrying out the plans. I can plan, write lists and organise for England, but I have always had great difficulty in actually sitting down to work. In the past, I suffered from excessive stasis, lack of impetus, and problems in changing from one activity to another. I think these things are all going on, but they seem to be affecting smaller parts of my life these days, and they don't appear to be affecting my studying at all.

I wonder why this is, is it just that as I get older I'm getting better at finding ways of overcoming my autistic deficits? Or is it more related to the fact that I'm genuinely passionate about Midwifery, and don't mind looking at the books, or writing stuff down about it. It's still hard to get over that moment of revulsion, where I look at the computer, and just want to run away from the work, curl up in bed and never come out again. But I've found that if I don't think about doing the work, or imagine doing the work, and instead, I sit down at the computer with the intention of going on Twitter, then I can spend 5 minutes on Twitter, and then accidentally start working. Once I've started, I can't stop till the task I've set myself is done.

It's the ignition that's the problem...

No comments:

Post a Comment