Worrying about my parents for a change!

So... I remarked to my best friend the other day, we are in a kind of honeymoon state, kids are neither toddlers nor teenagers, and parents are not that elderly (yet).

I didn't mention, although it's in the back of my mind, that my mum has had a spate of forgetting things lately, and my Dad got angry with her the other day for messing up his plans by telling somebody the opposite of what was supposed to be happening. He told her he was getting worried about her and if she didn't improve he was sending her to the Dr!

Today, I saw her briefly, and she was really anxious because she had lost her reading glasses. Not as in simply misplaced, she remembers wearing them, and has no memory of taking them off, and they appear to be nowhere in the house.

I should perhaps explain the background to this, which is that my parents don't do emotion. I haven't seen my Dad angry for 25 years (coincidentally since I was a teenager!) and I rarely see my mother express any emotion other than mild irritation, even though she has her 17-year old granddaughter living in the house, and my sister (with the major mental health problems) is there more often than not. Seeing them both upset to that degree is very unusual.

 My mum is usually sharp as a tack, she obtained a first class honours Maths degree through OU while she had 3 kids under 5, and has always retained that analytical ability. I know that they are both aware of the implications, they have lots of friends, who have suffered the usual round of age-related illness, including dementia.  I'm sure they don't want to actually acknowledge it and are busy pretending my Dad's outburst last week never happened. I'm also sure my mum just needs me to tell her that this is just a normal part of aging.

I did some reading about dementia last week, because I am now officially the Family Healthcare Professional. Forgetting stuff like glasses is a normal part of aging, frustrating as it may be for my totally and utterly organised and together mother. But if they turn up in the fridge, and she starts mixing her words up, and struggling to do her Sudoku 3 x faster than Dad, then we need to worry.

However, on the NHS site, they say that being anxious about memory loss is an indicator for a visit to the GP. So that means I need to have a chat with them both, probably soon, to see if they think that that's where we're at. Probably separate chats. I did start to have a heart to heart with Mum yesterday, but my sister turned up uninvited and joined in. That's what family's for!

This isn't a conversation I want to have, the implications are huge, Mum holds everything together, like all Mums, but more so, as she's primary carer for my sister and her daughter. Having said that, my sister is finally medicated and acting totally normal, and her daughter is 17 and thinking about applying to University. I don't call on my Mum for support, except the usual chit-chat, which goes both ways. But the idea of needing to be on hand to help her out is kind of nice. I owe her loads, her calmness in a crisis has always been an inspiration! Having spent some time now nursing elderly folk in my general placement, that doesn't freak me out any more.

No idea where any of this is going, as always, no crystal ball on hand. This is part of the journey I suppose, just need to keep on keeping on.

Lovely Day Out. I won't hear different.

So... had a lovely day out yesterday to celebrate passing my end of year exam! (Faint cheers off...) Here is my story of Our Day Out.

It started badly when I came up with the spontaneous, impulsive idea that we would all go and pick up my results together, and then go to a lovely estate with beautiful gardens (and adventure playground) near to my Uni. Funnily enough, it wasn't aspie #1 or aspie #2 who had a problem with my spontaneous idea, it was DH, who immediately claimed to have half a dozen urgent domestic tasks which WOULD NOT WAIT till the afternoon. Strange, as I have never seen him complete any domestic task with any sense of urgency. Or at all. He rarely gets more than half way through any domestic task.

Having used some canny emotional blackmail on him, managed to get everyone in the car, and off to Uni. Got my result, with Pippi sitting on my lap (A15 if you're interested), and on my return to the car, announced it to the rest of the family, expecting rapturous applause. Which did not occur. DH still being sulky about being forced to have fun for the day. A bit of a row ensued, mainly me shouting at him and threatening divorce (under my breath). I know. I'm a bad wife and a worse mum some days.

In my defence, getting a great result doesn't immediately get rid of the stress involved in picking them up.
Still, we continued on to the gardens. I think Lucas had about 3 meltdowns during the course of the afternoon, and Pippi had one. DH and I had a showdown about the cost of getting in, and then called a truce. Lucas also got lost at one point,while I was taking Pippi for a walk to look at the roses, and was running around screaming DH's name, until I intercepted him quite by accident (not yet knowing he was lost), as he was heading for the exit.

Am I crazy to say that I had a wonderful time, and have the most amazing memories of that day? We all did our best, the kids did have a fantastic time on the adventure playground, we had a race round the maze, (the kids won), we had a lovely lunch with no rows, and everybody ate something. The weather was beautiful. I remember how much fun we had together, and how good we all are at looking after each other when things are going south.

Is ridiculous optimism another facet of autism? I seem to remember reading that somewhere....