Brain Filters

So... today I'm thinking about the stuff I really shouldn't say, but somehow by the time I realise it's a mistake, it's already left my mouth.

Does this ring any bells? The times that I have tend to screw up are in two main categories (what an aspie, categorising my social errors!!) First is when I'm very tired, or stressed, and my brain isn't working fast enough to stop me from saying stuff I should keep to myself.

Second is when I'm relaxed and enjoying myself, and I forget that I can't just say something funny and clever on the spur of the moment, because I end up hurting people's feelings.

Sometimes I do get away with it, and I do have a reputation for having a very dry sense of humour among those who know me well. Those who don't know me well often don't realise I'm joking.

The one time I never screw up verbally is with my kids, I know I can't use adult humour on them, even if my oldest is a sarcasm convert, they can't take it.

Don't dish it out if you can't take it...

So... I had a kind of appraisal meeting today, with my mentor. It mostly went well, she had a couple of comments on things I could improve, nothing major or unexpected. But...

She uses sarcasm a lot, which I struggled with initially, as it took me a while to figure out when she was joking. I had quite a few very embarrassed moments, as she pointed out my failings (this is my first placement). She does it in front of patients, putting down my skills in a jokey way, and sort of encouraging me to join in. I think it's a way for her to have a quick humourous bonding moment with some of the patients. I've educated myself on how and when she does it, so that I'm not taken by surprise, and have mostly just laughed, occasionally I have joined in a bit, mock-defending myself. That's all been fine. She has gained a reputation among former students as very hard work, and a bit of a b****. I imagine they didn't know how to take her sarcastic comments, and found them hurtful. I've tried very hard not to go down that road, and my focus has been on understanding her better. 

But, I made a jokey comment to her the other day in the office about her teaching style, in the spirit of the banter that she has encouraged, and although at the time, she took it as a joke, it was obvious today that she has taken it to heart, and spent quite a bit of time in my appraisal, defending herself from a joke that I never meant her to take seriously. She didn't actually say why she was explaining her learning style in depth, but it was fairly obvious. I didn't mention my original joke, as I didn't want to make things worse. 

Clearly she is quite sensitive, and this has played on her mind, and maybe the sarcasm is a defence mechanism for her. But has it not occurred to her that she is a healthcare professional with 20 years experience, and maybe all her little new students are less able to cope with her sarcasm than she with theirs? She is in a position of power over us after all. 

As an aspie, sarcasm is so difficult. I can join in with sarcastic banter a little, but I do get it wrong sometimes, and on occasion, I get too close to the bone, and this is obviously a case in point. I suppose the lesson is the same one I keep trying to internalise, SHUT UP! Not all the time, but don't do the banter thing.