So we went along to parent's evening on Monday, and our aspie son is doing fine really, the handwriting is holding him back, but hopefully that will come in time, he's only 8, he's still got a few years at primary school to get over that. But our aspie daughter is another matter. Her language is about 2+ years behind the other kids in her class. She gets upset sometimes for no apparent reason, and then comes out with stuff that's happened at home that's upset her. Of course, she does the opposite at home. She was the happiest kid ever until she started school, totally oblivious to being different, but since school I think she has started to feel different.
I can remember my own feelings from the same age, I had the aspie thing going on, but not the language delay. I internalised the difference as guilt, and shame. Maybe because I'm a catholic? Not any more, but back then. I can still tap into my feelings from that age of being afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, I was always trying to cover up my inability to figure out what I was supposed to be doing in various different scenarios. I could never figure out what the rules were, they always changed, and seemed to vary depending on what group of people you were in. I copied others, but this often got me into trouble, as I didn't know which bit of mimicry to use in what situation. I needed a map, and didn't have one. I felt quite lost and I think I have been constantly anxious my whole life.
So what do I tell my daughter. She doesn't even know the difference between in front of and behind. How can I fix her sadness, when I can't even begin to explain what's happening to her? Of course I can't. I know that. Doesn't make me feel any better about it.
I can remember my own feelings from the same age, I had the aspie thing going on, but not the language delay. I internalised the difference as guilt, and shame. Maybe because I'm a catholic? Not any more, but back then. I can still tap into my feelings from that age of being afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, I was always trying to cover up my inability to figure out what I was supposed to be doing in various different scenarios. I could never figure out what the rules were, they always changed, and seemed to vary depending on what group of people you were in. I copied others, but this often got me into trouble, as I didn't know which bit of mimicry to use in what situation. I needed a map, and didn't have one. I felt quite lost and I think I have been constantly anxious my whole life.
So what do I tell my daughter. She doesn't even know the difference between in front of and behind. How can I fix her sadness, when I can't even begin to explain what's happening to her? Of course I can't. I know that. Doesn't make me feel any better about it.
My daughter is 11, she was diagnosed at 8, and she is still struggling with handwriting. She is doing much better now, but I think she will always be behind. Good thing is she is in therapy (which helped A LOT with handwriting) and her teachers know about her Asperger's, so they cooperate.
ReplyDeleteAbout your child all I think you can do is talk to her. Tell her about your own experiences. That will make her feel better. It works for me. It makes them feel better knowing they are not alone. Maybe therapy could help with the speech delay. I've also heard teaching sign language to kids with speech delay is very helpful because it gives an outlet to their communication issues. Maybe you can try that.
Really identify with feeling different and just responding to that with guilt and shame. I'm only now trying to challenge that in myself. Hard!
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