So...I'm back in counselling, spent an hour going through my mental health history, not such a pleasant experience. Especially the fact that it took a whole hour! She did seem impressed however that I had spent 2 years with a Jungian therapist. I guess there's hierarchies in counselling too. (Lol).
It's weird starting in that relationship thing again with a new counsellor. Let me see, this will be number 4. Number 3 was a total bust. Number 2 was great, but as I was pregnant at the time, didn't want me delving too deeply into very painful early history. Number 1 was my lovely Jungian therapist, who did a lot of hard work with me, particularly on my alexythemia.
Therapist number 4 seems nice so far, but I felt embarrassed at my extensive history, and myriad personal issues. It's not easy to open up so far so fast with a new person, it's a bit like being opened with a rusty can-opener. Leaves jagged edges.
Back there again on Thursday, chance to have a bit of a more relaxed chat hopefully, talk about some more recent stuff. I do kind of like counselling, the feeling when you've finished that you've done some useful work. But it doesn't seem to come round fast enough, seems like a long wait between appointments. This time it's taken months to organise access to some free counselling, been trying to set this up since last October.
In the meantime the anxiety levels have been steadily rising, all the familiar symptoms, teeth-grinding at night, jaw-clenching during the day, no control over either. Meltdowns at home. Anxiety attacks just started last week. At least I know what they are now. Obsessive behaviours, TV watching etc, to hide from the stuff that's going on. Inability to switch off from work, or relax. Unwillingness to be around family, (maybe that's them as well as me!)
There has to come a time where you put yourself out there and really try to get yourself back on track. I need to be functioning at a vaguely normal level allowing for my Aspie nature.
My kids and my husband need me to be aspienormal again.